Okay, so I never really expected to be in this position.  I spent all my time working, sacrificing my personal life, to make all I have now.  I know it’s probably hard for you to understand, but it’s a choice I made, and it should be clear that I gave up a lot.  All those years you were out getting drunk with your buddies, I was hanging out with other men running the stock exchange.  It was me and a bunch of dudes.   Still, just a couple of years ago, I could have had any woman.  Any woman at all.  So it’s hard for me to believe that a guy like myself should have such a difficult time finding a date. 

I think it’s all in numbers, and therefore all in the mind.  Although one woman told me she could tell I was older by my eyes.   And I’m really not that old.  So, I just turned forty-one.  Everyone always told me I looked younger, so a lot of times I never mentioned age.  Or I’d ask someone to guess, and if they said anywhere between thirty-five and thirty-eight, I’d say that number sounds good and smile.  Recently, though, I’ve been unsure how to handle the internet.  Because it’s a fill in the blank form, instead of a conversation, it forces me to put down a number.  The thing about it is that I don’t want to be cut out of someone’s search, just because of age. 

So I decided to put thirty-five down as a range.  It’s just my way of asserting that I can still fit within that category, even if I’m not exactly thirty-five.  One ex, Lauren, still doesn’t know my real age.  I don’t think, anyway.  It never really seemed to matter to her, which is why I’m just hoping to get my foot in the door.  I also know this is probably wrong, but I’m just not that attracted to older women.  They remind me of my mom, and always demand more.  They “want to know where this is going.”  It’s like when women are too you they take themselves to seriously, because they haven’t been with enough men.  And yet, by the time most women reach their thirties, they begin to take each relationship too seriously, because they’re tired of having been with so many men.  Then, what it seems like to me is that who I am becomes irrespective of what role and position I can provide for them.  In other words, it’s like I’ve become interchangeable.  Women in their thirties look at me as a source of income, a husband, a father, not as John. 

So that’s why I want to make sure I get a crack at the younger ones.  I run marathons and stuff.  I know I have more to offer them then most of the men in that age bracket, though I guess I do have a couple years on them.  At this point, I only need one.  One woman I can marry, and share all that I’ve spent the last twenty years building.  I feel like I’ve sacrificed enough already.